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Do you eat figs?

Ok, here’s one thing I just don’t get from Mark 11

12 The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. 13 Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. 14 Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it.

Jesus is hungry – OK, we all get peckish at times, so I get that.

He sees a fig tree in leaf – well, it might have fruit, I don’t know as I’m no fig farmer.

Ah, He went to see if it had any fruit – clever boy that Jesus!

He finds nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Not the season! They didn’t grow that time of the year!

So, he curses the tree!

Jesus is like, Fuck you tree, don’t you see I’m bloody hungry? Gimme some fucking figs right now, or you’ll regret this day for fucking eternity!!!

And… the diciples heard it all!

Jesus, grumpy when peckish! Does this story tell us that “Jesus was human” (because all human curses trees who doesn’t bear fruit outside the season!), and that he’s “just like” us? I’ve never cursed a tree for not growing fruit when I’m hungry, have you?

Does the story tell us why figs are so awful? “Jesus didn’t like the tree, so now the figs taste like ash. Before Jesus cursed the tree they tasted like rum and coke!”

[joke] Do you know why only heathens eat figs? Because we don’t care if they’re cursed by Christ! [/joke]

Could anyone please tell me what this story is all about? Why is it in the Bible in the first place?

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[Cherry] Christmas trees are “worth nothing”!

There’s supposedly a “War on Christmas”, where certain Christians tell us that the seculars, and the atheists are watering down, or even eradicating, the true meaning of Christmas. Well, stop wiith the trees you religious types! It’s in the Bible!

The customs of other people are worth nothing. Their idols are just wood cut from the forest, shaped by a worker with his chisel. (Jeremiah 10:3 NCV)

An idol of wood, cut from the forest – a Christmas tree! Worth nothing!!

Who is responsible for Evil?

Any Christian I’ve ever discussed “evil” with has told me that Satan is responsible for anything evil in the world. Murder? Satan. Eartquakes? Satan. Child abuse? Satan. War, famine, pestilence, hurricanes? Satan, every time!

Then I ask: “Who created Satan?” and I get an answer along the lines of: “He was an angel, but he didn’t want to follow the word of god, so he was cast from heaven. He now rule hell, and is a bad fellow indeed!”

Sounds legit, right? Not according to Isaiah 45:7.

I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the Lord do all these things.

Holy cow! God tell everybody he’s responsible for both darkness and evil!!

I guess Christians don’t know their book well enough?

[Cherry] Oral sex

God approves of blowjobs!

Psalms 81:10 Open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

It’s what the Bible say, so from now on you can’t refuse if you’re a woman who doesn’t want to go to Hell!!

[Cherry] Douglas Adams

I can prove that Douglas Adams was a timetraveler, the proof is in the pudding (or actually in the Bible!). (Maybe he hitched a ride in the TARDIS?) Check this out!

Revelations 13:5 The beast was given a mouth to utter proud words and blasphemies and to exercise its authority for forty-two months.

Fourty Two! Awesome! The answer to the questions about life, the Universe and everything, it’s in the Bible! (Maybe Douglas Adams helped write that part? As a pun?)

[Cherry] I’m a sinner!

I love cooking, and I’ve got a lot of stuff to help. A blender, a skillet, pots, pans, measures of different kind… Oh crap, that makes me a sinner!

It is written (in the Bible):

Deuteronomy 25:14 “You shall not have in your house two kinds of measures, a large and a small”

If you too have two kinds of measures, you’re also a sinner!

I am going to cherry pick, and write small posts about obscure verses from the Bible, and I hope you like them.